


Stay

by girls_like_girls



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Don't Examine This Too Closely, F/F, IT'S WORTH IT, Not quite A/U, Past Relationship(s), Past hurt, Slow Burn, Timeline is a little wonky, more like Canon Adjacent, not quite canon, very short chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:54:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 19,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26188297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girls_like_girls/pseuds/girls_like_girls
Summary: It's been four months and it still hurts when I look at her.
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Robin Hood
Comments: 13
Kudos: 106
Collections: Swan Queen Supernova V: Forever Starstruck





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [millsprada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/millsprada/gifts).
  * Inspired by [stay [fanvid]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26227861) by [millsprada](https://archiveofourown.org/users/millsprada/pseuds/millsprada). 



> This is the first time I've ever written a fic in first-person. This was daunting AF, but millsprada's video really moved me to take the leap. This was a joy and a privilege to write and I hope you all enjoy it. I tagged it but I'll reiterate, the chapters are quite short in places, closer to standard in others. I wanted it to feel like quick flashes, like a glimpse into their lives and their minds. If that's not something that interests you, I completely understand. 
> 
> This is also the very time I participated in Protostar and it was a joy. I was so moved by millsprada's video it was my first choice and I was ecstatic to get it. Thank you so much for trusting me and I really hope you like this. 
> 
> Thank you to my wife who keeps me motivated and tells me I'm talented even though she's biased. Thank you to the Supernova mods for being gracious and taking on this task year after. 
> 
> I'll stop lamenting now. Enjoy the story.  
> ~Jem

_**Emma** _

“Emma? Luv, did you hear me?” He snaps his fingers in front of my face, and I jump, whipping my head around to look at him. 

“No, I...sorry what?” He chuckles and shakes his head before leaning close to me, his lips near my ear. 

“What’s got you so distracted, luv?” 

He wants it to be him, and it should be him. I know that. Killian is my future now, and yet I can’t help but glance over at her. I’m always looking at her. Not much has changed since this morning, but I still notice things. Her hair is longer now, but the way she fills out her mayoral power suits hasn’t changed; my mouth waters. Her magic still tickles at my spine when we’re close to each other. I can feel it, sense it, almost as well as I can with my own magic, which says a lot! Learning how to use my magic was hard, but being able to detect other people’s magic? Nearly impossible at first. To be fair, she isn’t just ‘other people.’ She never was. 

“Emma?” 

“Yeah? I’ m-I’m listening. We should do that, yep.” 

He smiles at me brightly, but there’s something in his eyes. I don’t know what I just agreed to. He looks at me the way I look at a bear claw. Like I’m edible. Wait. Shit. Did I agree to sex? I really hope I didn’t just agree to sex. Did he ask me about sex in the middle of Granny’s? With _her_ standing 10 feet away? 

“You’ve made me wait a long time, Swan.” 

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I need a minute. I really fucking agreed to sex. Fuck. 

“Killian…”

“Swan.” His hand is on my cheek, and then it’s on the back of my neck, then he’s kissing me. Honestly, he’s not bad at it; he’s just not her.

_**Regina** _

I smile and nod as Snow prattles on about the upcoming festival, overly excited as if it will be something new and different. In reality, it will be subpar at best. I know that, and though Snow may pretend, I’m sure she knows it as well. It’s so trivial to continue to adhere to this realm’s stipulations when there are so many other--better options **.**

“So, will you ask him?” 

“Him?” We both know I wasn’t listening. I wish I could, but with Captain Guyliner attempting to inspect Emma’s tonsils with his tongue, 10 feet away, it’s quite tricky. 

She sighs and settles a stern look on me that she intends to be intimidating. It fails, but I do make an effort to listen when she speaks again. 

“Robin. Will you ask him?” 

“Ask him what, dear?” 

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and I can feel her magic reacting. It’s slight, no real danger, just discomfort. I have to ignore it. She’s fine, and even if she isn’t, well, she’s with her pirate, so it’s not my business. 

“Regina, seriously! Can you pretend to care?” 

I close my eyes and push everything else away: my annoyance, my desire to strut across the diner, and eviscerate him, all of it. I tamp it down and take a cleansing breath. 

“I suppose. What would you like me to ask Robin?” 

Her face lights up, and in it, I can see so much of her daughter. It’s nearly painful. I push that aside and listen as she excitedly tells me her idea of having Robin man a booth at the festival where people can shoot a bow and arrow. 

“You could very well run that booth yourself.” 

That doesn’t deter her. She launches into an explanation as to why Robin needs to be a part of the community. Apparently, people need to know him, see him, and interact with him, though I disagree entirely. I don’t need the people in this town to taint him. Their opinions and views of me are damaging enough without exposing Robin to them. 

“Robin likes the forest.” 

“I do, indeed.”

The sound of Robin’s voice makes me smile. He leans in for a kiss, and I accept. I try to ignore her, though it’s difficult because I can feel, well, sense her and her continued discomfort. I push her and her imbalance of emotions aside. It’s been nice, not having to hide, being open from the beginning instead of working up to it. Robin isn’t ashamed of me. He isn’t concerned with what the masses think of me or what they think of us together. I’m starting to realize I deserve that. 


	2. Chapter 2

_**Emma** _

He’s asleep. His arm is wrapped around me, but I’ve never felt so uncomfortable. It wasn’t awful. I mean, it wasn’t _great_ , but it wasn’t terrible. He’s rough, but not in the way I like. He didn’t hurt me, but he also didn’t check-in to see if I was okay. He didn’t touch me the right way or kiss away the sting of his bites. Everything felt like it was about him. I think, in time, we can figure it out. He’s eager, and that’s good. We can figure this out and make it work. He’s my person, my future, and I need to accept that. 

I’m not ready to spend the night, so I slip out of bed, shoving a pillow into his arms. He doesn’t even move when I’m not there anymore. Doesn’t whine and demand that I come back, or tell me to stay. I take a deep breath and push away the pain. 

I dress quickly. This part I’m used to. Dammit, I’m failing at pushing her— I mean that— away. It’s my own fault, though. 

I look down at Killian, hoping to feel it: the need to stay, the desire to crawl back in bed and never leave. 

It doesn’t come. 

I’m off the ship and on the docks without tripping over myself. The moon is out, not quite full yet. Close though. I have nowhere to be. Henry is with Re— _her._ My place will be quiet. Empty. That’s not appealing. I don’t want quiet and empty right now. I don’t want to be alone. 

_**Regina** _

“Miss Swan?” 

“Really, Regina?”

She looks at me, a challenge in her eyes. It’s a look I know well, and there was a time I would have risen to that challenge. I know where she’s been. I know that look too well: haphazardly getting dressed in near darkness and running off, rumpled. At least she’s consistent. 

“Do you need something, Miss Swan? The hour is quite late.”

She sighs and leans against one of the columns, dejected. “My house is empty.” 

I tilt my head to the side and feel my eyebrow arch of its own volition. I hadn’t meant to react at all, but she surprised me with that assertion. “And that’s pertinent to me because?”

“Regina.” 

I know that tone. I see the look in her eyes. I’ve fallen for it so many times, and even now, with all that has happened between us, I want to give in. She’s reaching out, which is so outside of normalcy that I feel inclined to allow it. She doesn’t want to be alone, and she came to me, but quelling her loneliness is no longer my job. 

“Perhaps you should go back to your pirate. I’m sure he’d welcome you with open arms. In fact, it appears he already has.”

She has the decency to look away. I can sense her shame. I know she’s upset and displeased with both of us. There’s so much about her that I know. Too much. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come.” She pushes off the column and backs away, watching me. 

“Miss Swan….” I want to tell her to come back. I know that’s what she wants, too: for me to open the doors, both figurative and literal, and let her in again. There’s so much in her eyes. Hurt. Shame. Regret. Love. Need. We’ve made such a mess of everything.

I don’t ask her to stay. 

_**Emma** _

I scrub my skin until it’s red and raw. There’s very little hot water left when I finally step out of the shower. My face is wet, and I know it’s not just from the spray. What the fuck was I thinking, going to that house, in the middle of the night, smelling like sex? Like she would really want to be around me with Killian’s marks all over my neck and chest. 

I don’t know how this happened, how I ended up here, but I need to get it together. It’s been four months, and we’ve managed to co-parent through our issues. That’s always been the rule: it doesn’t touch Henry, doesn’t affect him. We’ve done that the best we can, given the situation. 

We’ve both moved on. Regina has Robin, and I have, well….Killian, and it’s okay. I tell myself that it doesn’t bother me that she moved on just three weeks after we ended things. I don’t like to think about what that means, or the fact that the only reason I started dating Killian was that it physically hurt to see her and Robin together, and I didn’t want to be alone. 

I don’t miss her. _I don’t._ I miss the relationship.

I should’ve stayed, but I didn’t, and I have to live with that. 


	3. Chapter 3

_**Regina** _

I expected awkwardness, but it doesn’t come. Emma was respectful and cordial when she came to pick Henry up for the weekend. He was so excited about the trip, the first one since the end of our relationship. He begged me to join, said the cabin wouldn’t be the same without me, but I couldn’t do it. Everything is different now. Emma and I aren’t the same, so that feeling that Henry’s longing for, that sense of family and warmth? It won’t be there. And no matter what I think of Emma, she’s still his mother, and I won’t ruin their weekend together.

So I help him pack, and I make the trail mix he loves, and I make sure he has his favorite hiking boots. And if I add extra trail mix because I know Emma likes it too, that’s okay. And if I pack her favorite hiking socks (my socks) in his duffel bag, that’s okay also. And if I offer my car for the drive, it’s because I want him to be safe. And so what that my heart jumps when she accepts? We’re co-parents. Her safety is tied to his safety, so it’s okay. 

It’s always hard when he’s gone, and I have to admit, I’d gotten used to being a family, the three of us. Re-learning how to co-parent and share his time is hard, more challenging now than the first time. Robin and Roland make it easier. If I’m honest, Roland is the real reason I gave Robin a chance. He’s a sweet, young boy without a mother, and his affection for me is addictive. Robin was just a part of the package. He’s heard the stories and even seen me in action a few times, but it doesn’t seem to scare him. It’s something I enjoy. I think we both know his role. A distraction. A vehicle for me to process my heartbreak. He isn’t perturbed by my past relationship and how it ended. He doesn’t expect me to love him immediately, and I’ve warned him that I can’t guarantee him love. He accepts it. 

And if his touch is a little too soft, then so what? If he doesn’t quite make me see stars, it’s no big deal. He’s safe and safe is good. And he stays. I need that right now—someone who will stay. 


	4. Chapter 4

_**Emma** _

“Do you miss mom?” 

It’s a question I’ve dreaded. I hoped Henry wouldn’t ask me because I knew I wouldn’t lie to him, but that means I have to stop lying to myself. And I’ve enjoyed my bubble of delusion. 

“Yeah, kid, I do.” It hurts more than it should, but less than I thought it would. I’ve been trying to look forward, especially since showing up at her door in the middle of the night. It’s been weeks, and I think I needed her not to let me in to show me that anything more is no longer an option. And yes, we’re co-parenting. So on Henry’s nights with me, she sends dinner, but that’s because she knows I won’t cook. Allowing me more time with him is for his benefit and has nothing to do with me. 

“I miss having you at the house. It’s weird, y’ know? Robin. Killian. You’re both pretending when you already know who your happy ending is.” 

I can’t respond to that immediately, so I grab a handful of trail mix and dump it in my mouth, buying myself some time to think. I still come up empty. 

“Henry….” I can’t do this. I am still healing. I’m trying. She’s gone, and she’s moved on, and that’s okay. I have to believe it’s okay. I can’t go back to when it wasn’t okay. I was a wreck the month after, and then she started hanging around Robin. That level of broken can never happen again. 

“Ma, come on! You’re not happy with Killian. First, he’s a pirate, and second, is he even a good guy? You look like you want to run away whenever he hugs you.” 

I don’t mean to laugh, but I know he’s not wrong. God, I forget how smart he is and how he notices everything. 

“And mom’s settling. Robin is nice, and Roland is cute, but they aren’t her happy ending, and she knows it.” 

“Henry, this isn’t something we should be talking about. I’m sorry. I know I’ve said it before, but I really REALLY am. You had your family all together, and then it all fell apart. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry we hurt you.” 

I know he was heartbroken. Still is, if I’m honest with myself. He didn’t talk to either of us for a week and stayed at the loft with my parents. It didn’t help that when he did go home, he could see how hurt she was. It became apparent who’d hurt whom: it was obviously my fault. I’d never experienced Henry’s anger directed at me. And it lasted for weeks. I understood why Regina hated me initially because it was awful, going from Henry adoring me to nearly hating me. I never want to feel that again. 

Even now, as we gear up to return from our weekend at the cabin, he’s looking at me like I broke his heart, and y’ know what? He’s not wrong. 


	5. Chapter 5

_**Regina** _

__

He has a fever. Not a terribly high one, but enough of one that all he wants to do is lie in bed. I’m pushing fluids, mostly water, but he’s lethargic. I always feel so helpless when he’s sick. I’m a Queen, yet I can’t heal him of a simple fever. Cuts, scrapes, broken bones I can quickly fix, but I can’t see this, so I can’t fix it. I have to let his body fend for itself. 

“Is he bundled up? He’ll sweat it out.” She doesn’t even greet me when I open the door, and though it’s agitating, it’s also slightly endearing that she’s so concerned. Still, her advice annoys me, and I can’t help but roll my eyes. It’s easier than talking to her. 

How did she go from being the only person (besides Henry) I wanted to talk to, to being someone I never want to talk to?

“Why are you rolling your eyes at me? Don’t you want his fever to break?” She’s following me through the house into the kitchen, and it’s too familiar.

What the hell kind of question is that? Why must she pretend that it isn’t her that exacerbates me? She fuels my frustration and makes it impossible to share the same room, let alone be this close. As if the sight of her doesn’t wholly wreck me, five months, three weeks, and two days later. 

I take a deep breath, pushing all of my feelings deep down. 

“Of course, I want his fever to break, but be it a thin sheet or a heavy duvet, he needs to be comfortable. He’s achy, and he doesn’t have an appetite. The fever is his body’s way of fighting off whatever ails him. We need to let it run its course.” 

She sighs but doesn’t argue, which is surprising because we do a fair amount of arguing lately, over frivolous things. She’s been steadily picking fights for about two weeks now like it’s her sole goal in life to get a rise out of me. 

“I brought Gatorade.” 

I scoff. “It’s full of sugar.” 

“He needs electrolytes.”

“Well, look at you. Big word!”

She leans against the island and glares at me. “Fuck off. He’s sweating and not eating. It will help his stomach and re-hydrate him. I’m not saying stop with the water. I’m saying he should have both.” 

I don’t stop her when she leaves the kitchen with a water bottle and Gatorade in hand. She’s not wrong, and I know that. I also know she learned a lot during our time together. No matter what I think of her as a romantic partner, she’s a good mother. 

I give her time with Henry, uninterrupted. After tidying up downstairs, I go into my office to get some work done. Time gets away from me, and before I realize it, it’s been three hours. Emma hasn’t come to find me, and I didn’t hear the front door close, which means she’s still here, though it’s dark outside now. It’s odd, knowing she’s still in my home at this hour. 

When I make it up the stairs and peek into his room, the sight brings tears to my eyes. Henry looks so small in her arms. He’s half atop her, and she’s holding him close. Her face is calm, serene. It reminds me of a time before everything fell apart when Henry had stopped hating me, and Emma started sleeping over. She’d fall asleep in my bed; her face the picture of serenity. 

I pull my phone from my pocket and snap a photo of them like that. Looking down at it, something washes over me. It’s too much, but I don’t have the heart to wake them.

For the first time in five months, three weeks, and two days, she stays. 


	6. Chapter 6

_**Emma** _

Even though he feels small in my arms, Henry’s heavier than I remember, being thirteen will do that. His forehead is cool to the touch, but his shirt is damp. He snores, and it’s kinda cute. Looking at him now, I can see the little boy that came to find me. I kiss his forehead and try to free myself from his grasp. It’s not easy, and he whines at me a few times, but I manage it. 

I close the door quietly and notice Regina’s bedroom door is open partway. I walk the short distance and knock gently. 

“Yes?” 

It’s hard, I haven’t been in this room in about six months, but it hasn’t changed. Regina’s at the vanity. Fresh face, wet hair, satin pj’s. It’s a punch to the gut. It’s too intimate and reminds me of too many nights. I shouldn’t be here, seeing her like this, but fuck if I don’t miss it.  
  
“How is he?” She doesn’t react to me being in her space, at least not outwardly, but I know inside she’s feeling things. I can feel how uncomfortable she is. I know she’s on edge. 

“I think the fever broke. He’s cool to the touch. His tank top was wet, and he’s not sweating anymore.”

She nods but doesn’t speak. It doesn’t feel like there’s enough space in the room. Or enough air. It’s like we’re going to suffocate.

We’ve haven’t been alone, in this room, in damn near six months. I wonder if Regina feels the weight of that on her chest the way I do. All the things that took place in this room play on a fast-forwarded loop in my head. 

“Regina….”

“Swan.” 

It sounds so much better when she says it. Far better than Killian could ever sound saying my last name. She looks at me then, in the mirror. Everything stops. I can’t breathe when she looks at me like that. 

_**Regina** _

I need her to leave. I can’t do this. She can’t be here, looking at me like that, with our sick son just down the hall. I stand, breaking the eye contact, ending the moment, saving myself from her, from us.

“I’ll show you out.” 

I’m not prepared for her touch when I walk past her. It’s gentle, non-threatening, and yet it threatens everything I’ve worked to achieve in the last five and a half months. I can’t muster the strength to pull away because I have missed her touch so profoundly, it nearly burns. The pleasure of her skin on mine is embarrassing, and I shudder before looking at her. 

It’s in her eyes, the moment I look into them. She knows that she has broken me; by just encircling my wrist with her hand, she has effectively disarmed me. My carefully crafted facade will crumble if she pushes. It’s almost fitting, us standing in my bedroom, my strong desire for her touch palatable, her looking at me like I’m her entire world. It’s almost as if nothing changed. Almost. 

“He’s going to be okay.” 

I don’t know if I’m hurt or relieved when she drops my wrist, but she doesn’t look away, and neither do I. At this moment, we both know that though our relationship stopped all those weeks ago, it never ended. We are **not** over, and that is terrifying. 


	7. Chapter 7

_**Emma** _

Her skin is softer than I remember beneath my lips. She’s breathless and needy, and I didn’t know it would still be this good. I should have, though. She is the best I ever had, and there have been many. None like her. She’s perfect, and I need to show her that. 

I take my time with her. I have to prove that what we’re doing is not a mistake, that we deserve this second chance. 

She’s wet and more than willing to allow me to explore her, relearn her body, and I will. I can’t wait to feel her coming in my arms, against my mouth, in my hands. I need⸺

The visions of her fade away as my alarm pulls me from yet another wet dream. They’ve been frequent since the night Henry was sick. 

I get up and get in the shower. I have to be at the station soon, then I have Henry for the week, which will be a nice change from the silence. 

The water is nice and cool, but it does nothing for the tension in my body. The pent-up need that just isn’t going away. I tell myself that this will be the last time and ignore that I’ve said that five times before over the last three weeks. 

I close my eyes, and it’s her fingers instead of mine. I should be ashamed that it doesn’t take long, but I’m not. And when I’m coming, it’s her name I say. 

**_Regina_ **

**** “You’re beautiful.” He kisses me before getting out of bed and going into the bathroom. The shower is his favorite amenity. I lay back and hear the water turn on. Robin begins to whistle, and I know he’ll be in there for at least 20 minutes. 

I’m still… I can’t believe it has come to this. I'm still throbbing with need. It isn’t from a lack of trying. He tried. _And tried._ Eventually, I just put us both out of our misery. Well, me, I put me out of my misery. It just wasn’t working. 

Sex with Robin has never been perfect, but it scratches the itch, or it used to. This was the fourth time in the last three weeks. I usually ignore it, get up and shower and go on about my day, but I can’t this time. It’s actually painful. 

With the first stroke of my fingers, my mind’s eye conjures her. I don’t fight it. I need it. I don’t think about the repercussions or ramifications. I **need** this. So I take it. And when my orgasm crashes over me, it’s her name that I scream into the pillow. 

So what? So. Fucking. What?


	8. Chapter 8

_**Emma** _

Doing magic together is a mistake. We both know it the moment we do it, but we don't have a choice. Zelena was threatening the town, and she had to be dealt with. So, we put our differences aside (and our inability to look at each other) and get the job done. 

"Why must you always play the hero? You could've been killed!" She's pissed and rightfully so. I'd broken the rule.

"I was trying to protect you!" She arches her eyebrow and narrows her eyes at me. "And the town. I was doing my job." 

"Ah, yes, because you're the savior." She begins to pace, and it reminds me of a tiger in a cage. She's a Queen in a vault, so it makes sense. 

"Because I'm the Sheriff." I'm mad too, but only because she's yelling at me. I know I should've called. We'd agreed that when something magical comes up, I call her, and we check it out together. But that was before when we were together. Now we're just co-parents, and I don't know what the rules are. Clearly, _that_ rule still stands. 

"And I'm the mayor. You should have called." She grabs my chin and turns my head. It's a nasty gash, and it really hurts. Zelena treated me like a rag doll, throwing me all over that damn barn before Regina showed up. 

She waves her hand, letting it hover, and I can feel her magic. It's an odd sensation that I've never quite gotten used to. It's over in less than a minute, and then she's not touching me anymore, but she also doesn't put any distance between us. My face feels warm where her hand was. She's still standing partially between my legs, in the center of her vault. So many things have happened in this vault. 

I stand slowly, and she still doesn't move. I take a deep breath and look into her eyes. "Thank you." 

She looks away, and her shoulders slump as she exhales. "You have to stop...stop trying to be a hero. You could've been severely injured or worse." 

"I didn't know you cared." 

The sound she makes is out of pure annoyance. She glares at me. "My feelings were never a mystery." 

It's a slap in the face, and I deserve it. What she doesn't say is so much louder than what she does. 

_Yours were._

"You need to go." 

She's right, but I don't move, and neither does she. I lean in but not all the way. It's not really _leaning in; it's_ more like shifting my weight forward. Close enough that I can feel her take a deep breath, and I swear I can hear her heart pounding, but that might be mine. She puts her hand on my chest. 

"Emma." 

I close my eyes to savor that sound. She hasn't said my name, my first name, in months. 

I don't know if you can call what happens next a kiss. I wouldn't. It was something else. The hand on my chest fists my tank top. My bottom lip brushes her top one. Gently, for maybe three seconds. 

When she pulls away, her breathing is shuddery like the first time I kissed her. I wonder if she remembers. 

_**Regina** _

"Don't." My thoughts are racing, and she's too close. It feels too familiar, too good to have her this close, and I can't think. One thing about her is she always respects my boundaries. So, me saying 'don't' is enough to make her stop. She doesn't move; she barely breathes. It doesn't help; I still can't string together a coherent thought. 

"Please." That's something, but I don't even know what I'm asking for. I hope she does. I need her to know like she used to. I need her to read my mind and know what I need. It's been six months, two weeks, and four days since we've been this close. Longer since we stood in my vault, but I don't know what I need. I know what I want, but I can't say with any certainty that they are the same thing. 

"This one's free," She whispers.

I sigh and pull her to me. Free is excellent, free means we don't have to talk about it or make it mean anything. 

Her lips touch mine, and I know this is a mistake, but it's too late. Her tongue invades my mouth, and I let it. I let _her invade_ me. I can't stop, and to be honest, I don't want to.

She pulls me impossibly closer, her hands around my waist, my hands in her hair. Her tongue's making me promises that I'm not ready to decipher. But it feels good. She feels so damn good. 

I'm both relieved and heartbroken when she pulls away. It would be worse if we kept going. I know that, but my body is a traitor, and it wants her. I take a step back and then another until my back touches cement. She looks at me, really looks at me, then she's on me at once. 

Is this still free? What is this? Her mouth is hot on my neck, and I can't help but hook a leg around her hip. She nips, kisses, and licks my neck before kissing my chin, then claims my mouth once more. She grinds her hips against me, and then I have to stop it because if I don't stop now, I won't be able to resist if we go any further. 

We're both breathing hard, and she has that look in her eyes. It's that 'I want to fuck you' look, and it makes me feel warm all over and wet between my thighs. 

We don't say anything, just try to gather ourselves attempting to calm the pounding in our heads and the throbbing between our legs.

Emma bites her lip and looks at me in a way that familiar and dangerous. It's nearly a threat. "Do you want me to stay?"

The juxtaposition of her words and the look in her eyes in maddening.

It's said so innocuously I feel like maybe I hallucinated that last six months, but the look in her eyes tells me she's willing to make up every minute of the previous six months. As if this is an offer she makes to me all the time. My heart constricts then beats angrily against my ribs. _Traitor._

"Yes." 

She smiles, and I know that this will not end well. Before she even takes a step closer to me, I hold up my hand. 

"And because I want you to stay...I know I **need** you to go."


	9. Chapter 9

_**Emma** _

I can’t dwell on what happened in the vault. Not when Killian is hounding me about what happened with Zelena and where I’d been since fighting Zelena. I can’t think about Regina when he keeps trying to take my shirt off. 

I’d never been so excited for a magical mishap than at that moment because it’s an excuse to make him stop. He insists on going with me to check it out, which is the least of our problems because then we’re falling through a portal, and it appears it’s a time-traveling portal, and somehow I’ve gone from Storybrooke to the Enchanted Forest, but in the past.

Since landing in the Enchanted Forest, all my choices and decisions have led me disguised, directly in front of a pissed off Regina, well, Evil Queen.

Even with the glamour and the fact that she’s quite homicidal, she still tastes like Regina. She’s rougher. More demanding, but just as insatiable. She’s dark, but as the night wears on, I see glimpses of the woman I know. The woman I love. I know it’s fucked up on so many levels, but I take all I can from her. I savor every moment, every kiss, touch, sound, plea, and orgasm. And I give twice as much in return. She’s a puddle of satisfaction when we finally fall asleep. 

When I wake up, I’m in the dungeon, and the only proof of what happened the night before is the ache in my muscles and the bruises she left on my body. 

My escape is easy enough, and I even save a woman from execution. I consider the trip a success, that is until we’re safely back in Storybrooke and the woman I saved is Robin Hood’s once dead wife, Marian. 

_**Regina**_ __

She wouldn’t do this to hurt me, would she? We had a moment, and then she was swallowed by the portal, but this wasn’t revenge. She wouldn’t do this. She’s already taken so much from me. 

“Regina. Regina! I swear I didn’t know.” 

“Go away!”

She grabs my arm. “Regina, please, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

“You never do, and yet you always do. First Henry, then you don’t want me, and now Robin. You don’t want to be my happiness, but you don’t want me to be happy either.” I snatch my arm out of her grasp. 

“That’s not true or fair, Regina. I didn’t do this on purpose, but I couldn’t let her die.” 

I take a deep breath and try to calm down. “You just better hope you didn’t fuck anything else up during your little field trip.” 


	10. Chapter 10

_**Emma** _

She doesn’t look at me. In meetings. At the diner. When I’m picking Henry up or dropping him off. Never, not since what happened at the diner. She doesn’t talk to me either. She speaks around me, talks to someone else who’s near me so that I can hear what information I need, or tells someone to tell me things, but she hasn’t spoken directly to me since it happened. I fucked up, I get that, and she doesn’t owe me anything, but I’ve been trying to make it up to her. I just keep fucking things up.

“She won’t let me fix it.” 

Both my parents look at me, pity on their faces. I hate it. It took so long to get them used to the idea of Regina and me together, and just when they were as comfortable as I think they could be, we were over. 

“Emma, you need to give her time and space.” My mother shakes her head, and I can only imagine what she’s thinking. I’m grateful that she keeps it to herself because I don’t want a lecture about how Regina is evil and I need to be careful or how our relationship was doomed from the very beginning, and this is fate ensuring that I get my happy ending. Or on the opposite side of things, I don’t want her to tell me that Regina will never forgive me because I can’t handle that.

“You can’t decide how long she needs. You hurt her. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t mean to.” It’s odd when my father is the voice of reason. “Also, this is another relationship of hers that you’ve ended,” he continues, his opinion evident. It’s harsh. 

“That’s not fair.” 

It’s odd, he was not happy when he found out Regina and I were over. He didn’t ask questions, but I could tell he wanted to know why. He and Regina had formed something like a friendship during the time we dated, and maybe he felt like he had to pick sides.

“It might not be fair, but it’s the truth. Sweetheart, Regina is a complicated woman, and she can be vicious when she’s hurt. Give her space. She deserves that.”


	11. Chapter 11

_**Regina** _

His laughter pulls me from my stupor, one that I'm ashamed to say has been constant. "What's funny?" 

He looks sheepish as he closes the storybook quickly, his smile dropping immediately, "Nothing, sorry." 

I walk over and sit down next to him. I don't want him to feel like he can't be happy because I'm miserable. I try to reach for the book, and he snatches it away. "Henry!" 

"I don't want to upset you." He says quickly, and I know then that this funk I'm in has affected him more than I ever wanted it to. I feel ashamed of myself for moping around and casting a heaviness in our home. 

I lean into him, bumping his shoulder with my own, giving him a little smile. "You won't."

He stares at me. I can tell he's weighing his options, that mind of his moving miles a minute. It makes even me more curious, what tickled him so much that he doesn't want to share. He takes a moment longer before opening the book again. He flips through it, stopping on a page that features a blonde in a red dress dancing with a man. My heart pounds, and I try to hide my reaction from Henry.

Leia. Princess Leia, a woman that disappeared, literally vanished years ago. I don't remember ever seeing this page in the book before, and I'm sure I've looked through this book hundreds of times. 

"Princess Leia was Emma. Glamoured by Rumplestiltskin. It's funny that she used Leia because we had a Star Wars marathon a couple of days before she fell through the portal. I guess it was the first thing that came to mind." He shrugs and chuckles, flipping to the next page.

I feel like I can't breathe, but I put on a brave face for Henry. I listen as he tells me more about what happened, and I even manage to answer his questions when he comes to an illustration of Leia and me in the middle of the ball. Luckily the book doesn't detail everything that happened between Leia and the Evil Queen.

I haven't talked to Emma since she came back, bringing Marian with her. I didn't know what she'd done while in the past or how much of the timeline changed. 

There is a knock on the door, and I'm relieved when Henry gets up and runs to the door. "That's Nick. I'll see you tomorrow." 

I follow him, accept the hug he gives and kiss his forehead. I wave at Nick's father before he pulls away. Once he's no longer in sight, I close the door and take a deep breath, then my magic clouds around me. 

**_Emma_ **

"Shit!" I drop my bowl of ramen when she appears in my living room. Ramen and broken glass forgotten, I step over the mess and walk toward her. "Regina, what's⸺ Ow! Fuck!" 

My face stings, and though its a month late, I know I deserve it. "Regina, I didn't⸺ Fuck! Goddammit." 

Another open palm and my eyes are watering. I know the entire left side of my face is red and will most likely be bruised tomorrow. She swings again, and I catch her arm. 

"Use your words." 

She glares at me and snatches her hand away. "You slept with me." 

I can imagine I look like a confused puppy right now, though she is not amused. If anything, it pisses her off more. 

"During your trek back in time. You slept with me." 

Oh.  _ Oh! _ She slapped me for a completely different reason than I initially thought. Still, wholly warranted. I'm surprised she didn't fireball me. 

"Ok, yeah, that happened, but you know how you were. I couldn't exactly say no." 

That part wasn't actually 100% true, and by the look on her face, we both know it. I'm not innocent by any stretch of the definition. I didn't do it to save my life, and again, we both know that. I bite my lip and look away, unable to look at her. It's odd because I'm not really ashamed of what happened, just how it happened and when. 

"Do you want me to say sorry?" 

"Sorry?!" The vein in her forehead bulges. If I wasn't sure about her being mad, it's now clear that she's pissed. 

"Ok, no 'sorry,' then." 

"This isn't a joke, Emma. You...you were completely out of line!" I usually love it when she says my name, but not this time. There are too many feelings and not the right kind. 

"What do you want me to say? You don't want me to say sorry, so what do you want? What should I have done? Said no?" 

"Yes! That's exactly what you should have done. You were given a choice." 

"I missed you! And there you were, well kinda you, offering yourself. It was selfish. I know that." 

She looks at me as if I have five heads. "Do you hear yourself right now?" 

"Regina..."

"You left me! You don't get to play the victim. You ended us." I know _that_ tone very well; it makes me flinch a little.

"I didn't end us. I just⸺."

"You said no. I asked you to marry me, and you said no." 

That's not quite what I said. I actually said _I can't_ , but I don't think now is the time to correct her. It was just as bad as no for her, and what happened after was just another nail in the coffin of our relationship. I understand that now. 

"I'm sorry." 

She glares at me, and it makes me wish she was back to not looking at me. She was angry. That part was obvious, but underneath that, she was hurt, and for some reason, of all the things I thought would happen, her being hurt was not one of them. 

"I hope it was good for you." God, there were tears in her eyes. I had hoped she'd never find out. As if that were possible, but I really thought that maybe I could just have this to myself. 

"I took advantage of the situation, and even when it was happening, I knew I shouldn't have been doing it. But even homicidal Regina was better than a Regina that didn't want me anymore." 

The tears are falling now, and I feel like shit, like Pongo's shit on the bottom of a pair of shoes. And as I'm trying to explain myself, there really isn't any excuse for me to make. Like she said, it's because of me that we aren't together.

"I never stopped wanting you, Emma." 

Dammit. I take a step toward Regina, and she shakes her head. 

"Gods Emma, just when I think you can't hurt me anymore, you outdo yourself. Congratulations." She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. 

"That evening, I went down to the dungeon, looking for Leia, only to find her cell empty. I killed three guards, one of which was a favorite of mine. Then I sent my best men to find Leia. Of course, they couldn't find her. No kingdom claimed a princess named Leia. I threatened entire kingdoms and laid waste to many villages searching for her. She made me feel things that I hadn't felt since Daniel. I tried to forget about her while I went about my day, but I couldn't. And now I learn that it was you. It makes so much sense. I can't even begin to articulate how…" She trails off, wiping tears from her cheeks. 

It's like when Cora tried to rip out my heart. It hearts that badly. I had no idea, of course I didn't. I never thought it would hurt her. It was sex, and I knew back then sex was something she did for the release. We've had many conversations about some of the lovers of her past. 

"I guess you are destined to break my heart, be it past, present, or future." 

Then she's gone, the purple smoke of her magic still lingering in the air as I completely break down.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Regina** _

I send Henry to be with her for the week. I cancel all my meetings in the office. I need to let myself feel whatever it is I’m feeling about my newest discovery. The feelings are vast and change rapidly. 

I drink. A lot. Cider. Wine. Liquor. In the hopes that the throbbing in my chest will stop. 

Princess Leia had been the source of so much pain and to think, one night for Emma changed my entire life. It wasn’t always like that. What did my life look like before Emma went back in time? I don’t know. I don’t know what she changed, what didn’t happen. 

I’ spent years believing a random princess made me feel loved for the first time since Daniel, but it’d been Emma. From this timeline. Emma, who I’d loved, and who loved me or rather loves me, if that night is anything to go by.

I remember the night vividly, and looking back on it now, it’s so evident that Leia and Emma are one and the same.

I remember thinking that she had to be some kind of magical creature. She was the perfect lover. It makes sense now; Emma spent months learning my body in this timeline. She knows what I like and what I don't like. When to push me when to back off. When to tease me and when to give me exactly what I want. It's baffling now when I think about it. My tastes were different then, I was more interested in taking what I wanted, and if it hurt them, I didn't care. She kept up, and she didn't mind the pain. 

She was rough enough, submissive enough, just enough—more than enough. I hate her, but there is a part of me that appreciates her for what she did, giving me something like that, however brief. 

I almost don’t know why I’m upset, but that’s just the wine. Her actions had catastrophic consequences—so many lives lost—so much pain. 

Everything is fuzzy around the edges. I don’t know what day it is. I know yesterday I masturbated thinking about Leia. I mean Emma. I think that was yesterday.

I should sleep. I’ll feel better once I get some sleep. 


	13. Chapter 13

_**Emma** _

“I don’t understand, Swan.” 

I’m trying to be patient, I really am, but I don’t know how else to say it to him. I feel like it’s obvious that it isn’t working, I don’t understand why he’s so surprised. 

“It’s just not working.” 

He plops down in a chair in front of my desk. “You’ve been acting odd since we got back. What happened?” 

I sigh and walk around my desk, leaning against it. “What happened doesn’t matter, what matters is we, you and I, aren’t working. Honestly, Killian, we never worked.” 

He slams his fist down on my desk. “We were happy, then the Wicked Witch showed up, and Regina stopped talking to you. Do you still have feelings for her, Swan?” 

I try not to react because how I feel about Regina is not why I’m making my decision. We both deserve more than settling in a relationship. 

“Killian⸺”

“You do, don’t you?” He stands, and there’s something in his eyes that I’ve never seen before. I expected him to be upset, but he looks angry, a bit deranged. “You’re going to regret this.” 

He walks out of my office and doesn’t look back. It unnerves me, but I disagree with him. I won’t regret it. I need to stop pretending and deal with my feelings. I need to stop doing things for other people. Breaking up with Killian is something I want to do that doesn’t hurt anyone. I mean, it hurts him but it’s better than stringing him along.

***

It’s a hard few days, but one thing is for sure: I don’t miss Killian. I don’t mourn the loss of him. I worry about Regina. She’s still ignoring me, and Henry is beginning to worry. There is no way to explain to my 13-year-old what happened or my role in it. He tells me he showed her the book and could tell something was wrong. That was five days ago. I don’t give him details when he asks what happened in the Enchanted Forest. I try to explain that some of the things I did while in the past affected Regina’s life. He wants to know more, but it’s not my place to tell him, not alone at least. 

I didn’t think it would matter. Regina has told me before that during her reign as the Evil Queen she had lovers. I thought I would be one of many, but I’d been wrong. Very fucking wrong. I wasn’t just some random princess. I’m in love with her, and during the night we spent together, it was obvious. 

I can’t dwell on it. The Enchanted Forest. The vault. The fact that she told me she never stopped wanting me. I have to push it all aside. At least for the next two days. 


	14. Chapter 14

_**Regina** _

I have a hell of a headache. I shouldn’t though. I slowed down on the drinking after blacking out on day four of my self-isolation. I was re-hydrating for the last two days, getting ready to get back to life, but everything is so fuzzy, I can’t remember what happened. 

It smells awful, and I’m achy like I had an intense workout, or maybe someone used me as a punching bag. I crack my eyes, and the light is so bright, I slam them shut again. 

“Well, hello, luv. Did you get enough sleep?”

“Guyliner?” That’s definitely not who I was expecting. I can tell something is wrong. His tone is mocking. I start to take in my surroundings, and I realize I’m suspended by my arms. I open my hand, calling forth my magic, but nothing happens. I open my eyes and look up at my bound hands, flex my fingers, and try again. 

“Tsk, tsk, Your Majesty. That won’t work. I made sure of it. My vessel has been protected. No magic can be used while aboard. Quite clever, innit?” 

Fear begins to take root. There are too many unknowns. I don’t know why I’m here or how long I’ve been here. I don’t remember falling asleep, but I do remember getting up and getting dressed. I was going to the office today. I’m supposed to pick Henry up from the station today. Is it the same day?

“Trying to figure it out, huh? Let me help with that. Fairy Dust and Poppy Seeds. Quite the mixture. I got you right as you stepped out of your house. And there are a few crewmen that owed me a favor, so they helped get you here.”

I glare at him, my anger hiding my fear. “What do you want, pirate?” 

He lunges forward, putting his hook at my throat. I don’t flinch as it sinks into my skin. It hurts. More than I thought it would, but I show no sign of the pain. I continue to stare into his eyes—a picture of indifference. 

“I made someone a promise, and I intend to keep it.”

_**Emma** _

“Henry, come on! We need to get going! Your grandmother will not be happy if we’re late.” I can hear him shuffling around upstairs before heading down the steps. 

“I’m ready!” I ruffle his hair, and he slaps my hand away. 

“I called mom, and she didn’t answer.”

He’s worried. I hate that it’s my fault. Regina shouldn’t punish him for what I did, but I’m trying to be understanding. If she isn’t in the right space to deal with anyone, I get it. She’s probably just trying to protect him. 

I am starting to worry, though. She was supposed to pick Henry up yesterday, but she didn’t. No one has seen or heard from her in a week. Henry and I were the last people to see her. 

I’m going to give her the weekend. If I don’t hear from her by Monday, I’m going to the mansion. 


	15. Chapter 15

**_Regina_ **

“This is amazing!” He licks his fingers then takes another large bite. “I understand why Emma loves burgers so much. And Granny makes a good one.”

The pirate shovels fries in his mouth then guzzles water. It’s obnoxious and childish. The desired effect he’s going for is me begging for some, which won’t happen. I’ve endured so much worse. A couple of days in his company is punishment enough honestly, but this method is trite and sad. 

“Are you hungry, Your Majesty?” 

I snort and roll my eyes— _child’s_ _play._

That pisses him off, and he slams his hand down on the table. _Oh great, he’s having a tantrum_. I remain aloof. There is discomfort in my arms, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I will not let this one-handed pirate break me. He’s not strong enough to break me. I guess he can sense my defiance because he stands up and walks over to me. I don’t turn away, and I don’t cringe when he puts his hook against my cheek, we’ve done this before, and I’m going to have the scar to prove it. 

“I think you’re hungry.” He shoves his half-eaten burger into my face, trying to force it into my mouth. I shake my head back and forth, and the burger falls to the floor. There’s some condiment smeared on my face, but I’m no worse for the wear. We glare at one another, and I can see the anger in his eyes. I also know from experience that he’s intimidated. He underestimated me. It’s clear he’s used to meek, simpering women, and I am not that kind of woman. 

He walks over to the table and grabs his cup. “Here, have some water.” 

Water and ice hit my face and chest. It’s cold but oddly refreshing, the ship is hot, more like humid. 

I don’t make a sound. He’s been trying to get a rise out of me for three days now. He’s not good at the whole torture thing. He allows me water, and I only hang when he’s on the ship. When he’s not here, I’m tied up in the cabin. He’s actually a very hospitable captor. However, he is dull and unassuming with a dash of dim and unimaginative. 

I’m not terribly worried. I don’t know what Captain Guyliner’s end game is, but I know by this point, Emma has gotten antsy. I was supposed to pick Henry up on Friday. If I’m right about the passage of time, today is Sunday. She’ll be looking for me. If not today, then tomorrow, and she’ll find me. She’s good at finding people. 

_**Emma** _

She doesn’t answer the door. Her car is in the driveway, but that doesn’t mean much, especially when her preferred travel method is poofing. There aren’t any lights on inside, so I use Henry’s key to get in. 

“Regina?”

The house is empty. I know that the moment I walk in. I can’t sense her; feel her. If I had to guess, I would say she hasn’t been here in a couple of days, but I check the house anyway. I check the kitchen. It’s clean, which is normal. There are no dishes in the dishwasher. The fridge is nearly empty, but there are leftovers in there. I open the container, and it’s growing mold. No matter what is going on, that is entirely out of character. 

This was the last resort. I checked her office, I spoke to people around town, I even checked the cabin. There are no traces of her anywhere. I feel the panic start to set in. 

“Focus, Swan.” 

I pull out my phone and call my dad. “I think something happened to Regina. I’m at her house, she isn’t here.”

I walk up the stairs and head for her room. 

“She could be anywhere, Emma.” 

My heart is pounding as I step into her bedroom. “I’ve checked everywhere. That’s what I’ve been doing all day.”

The bed is made, her make-up is put away—nothing out of the ordinary. The smell of her perfume isn’t hanging in the air. Something is very wrong. I walk into the bathroom. 

“Emma⸺”

“The shower is dry. So is her toothbrush.” I can feel my panic taking over. 

“Emma.”

“No, David, something is wrong. I can feel it.” 

I hear him sigh. “I’ll meet you at the station.” 


	16. Chapter 16

_**Regina** _

My mouth is dry, my arms feel like liquid, my shoulders are screaming, and I smell. It's been days since my last shower, and I have not had access to a restroom. If the pirate's goal is humiliation, he is succeeding. I'm a queen, and even if I don't go by such moniker in Storybrooke, I'm still the mayor. I'm accustomed to specific amenities and luxuries. Even one as simple as a toilet.

I think it's Tuesday morning and although I feel hopeless, I still believe she'll find me soon. 

I hear shuffling outside, and I unfurl myself. He'll be coming in soon, to pull me into the room where he makes me hang all day and chatters incessantly about Emma. I think the man has an obsession. 

"They've begun to look for her. It won't be long before they find her." I don't recognize that voice, but I strain my ears to hear. "It's time to move her." 

The voice sounds worried, anxious, whoever they are. They ought to be because if they move me, my magic should come back, and when it does, I will fillet them both. 

"Is it ready?" There's a pause. "Then, we should go." 

He walks into the room with a smirk on his face. "Your Majesty! I'm sorry to have to say our time together is coming to an end." 

Before I realize what's happening, I feel a flash of pain, and the room goes black.

_**Emma** _

"Gold! I need your help." The door slams behind me, and he sighs and looks up at me. Gold looks disinterested as always, but I don't care. 

"Miss Swan, to what do I owe the pleasure?" 

I try to hide my annoyance. I have to handle him delicately. I place Regina's shirt on the counter. "I need a locator spell." 

He looks at the shirt and smirks at me. "Stalking is frowned upon Miss Swan. I would never assist in such an endeavor." 

"She's missing." 

"Are you sure, dearie? Couldn't she just be avoiding you?" 

"It's not just me, it's Henry too. Something is wrong, and I need to find her now!" 

He doesn't move immediately, but maybe it's something in my tone or the fact that I probably look like I haven't slept in 24 hours. Whatever it is, he goes to the back of the shop. 

He returns with a small bottle in hand, but he pulls it away when I reach for it. "Now, Miss Swan, you know how this goes." 

"I really, **really** don't have time for this." Of course, he wants something. It should not surprise me. "How about you give me this, and I continue to keep my mouth shut about what I learned during my time in the past?" 

He stares at me, trying to figure out if I'd do it; if I would tell Regina what I found while trapped in that room before the portal opened. 

He stares for a moment longer, then opens the bottle and pours it on the shirt. "A pleasure as always, Miss Swan." 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Violence, not really graphic, but experienced through the point of view of the tortured.

_**Regina** _

The pain is excruciating, and it isn’t getting any easier to contain. This was the fourth time, and it didn’t seem like he was going to stop. I try to remain stoic, but though we have a bit of a past I don’t know what this about, I don’t understand why he’s doing this. I’ve thought it was Emma related, but that doesn’t make sense, she’s with him. He talks about non-stop about their plans and how great their relationship is. I imagine that was where he went when he wasn’t on the ship, to be with her. He has no motive. It makes no sense.

He makes it stops, and I gasp, trying to catch my breath. “why?” 

He leans over me, rubbing his chin with the curve of his hook. “I guess I never told you what this was about.” 

He chuckles and trails his hook down my arms, digging into the skin there. It’s a dull pain in comparison to the electrocution. He twists the hook, and I exhale harshly before biting down on my lip. 

“You stole from me.” 

That gets my attention, even as he yanks the hook out of my forearm. He has nothing that I want. I’ve never stolen anything from him. 

“Nobody steals from me. I’m Captain bloody Hook!” He turns the knob and jams the button. 

I scream. I don’t want to. I wish I hadn’t, but it makes him stop, so I’m not too angry with myself. I can’t catch a breath. My insides feel scrambled, and my heartbeat is erratic. If I had more energy, I would feel my magic and be able to use it, but I’m too weak. I’m smart enough to realize my body is shutting down. It’s been days of no food and little water, minimal sunlight, and now actual torture. 

I’m dying. 

“She was mine! And you took her from me.”

That doesn’t make sense. The edges of the room are blurring, but he needs to know I didn’t take her. I don’t even know her. “She? I… didn’t…” 

He grabs my face, and his blunt nails dig into my jaw. He leans close, and I can smell the rum on his breath. “But you did, Your Majesty. Emma was mine, and you took her.” 

It all falls into place, and I’m so angry at myself for not realizing sooner what this vendetta was about. Though I wasn’t aware that she’d ended things, I can’t say I’m surprised. His rambling makes more sense now. At first I thought he was bragging, but now I realize he was lamenting, dreaming. I chuckle though it sounds more like a cough. “She...was….never yours.” 

He growls, and through the haze, I can see a wild look in his eyes. He’s angry, but he also knows I’m telling the truth. He was never more than a stand-in and not a very good one. 

“Regina!” 

His head snaps to the door, and I know that I didn’t imagine it. She’s really here. She came for me. “Emma!” It’s not loud enough for her to hear me, but he covers my mouth anyway. 

“Looks like I have to cut our fun short.” 

_**Emma** _

It’s the scream that nearly makes my knees weak and causes my stomach to roll. Its awful and I’m running before I realize it. Outside the door, I draw my gun and enter the room. It’s empty, except for Regina, strapped to a table, screaming. She’s attached to some electric torture thing, and my hands shake as I try to figure out how to turn it off. I finally find the switch, flip it to ‘off,’ and she stops screaming.

“Regina? Regina! Oh my god.” She’s bleeding from her arm, she’s barely breathing, and she’s so pale. She’s sweating, and she looks like she’s lost weight. I check her neck, and her pulse is nearly non-existent. 

“Regina, what do I do? I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I should have found you sooner.” I start unhooking her. It’s hard because my hands won’t stop shaking, but I finally get them all off and try to lift her. She’s limp in my arms. 

I’m trying not to panic, but she doesn’t look good. She can’t die. I can’t let her die. Fuck! What do I do? What⸺

“Rumplestiltskin. Rumplestiltskin. Rumplestiltskin.” He’s here before I finish his name the third time. The smoke hasn’t cleared, and he’s already talking. 

“I really don’t like being summ⸺Regina?” He looks her over, his face tense. 

“Help her. You have to help her. Please!” 

Gold waves his hand, and we’re in the back room of the shop. He’s already moving. Pulling things, opening books, mixing potions, I think. Regina’s laid out, her chest rising and falling slightly, and I’m standing next to her. He comes over and performs a spell, but she doesn’t open her eyes. 

“It didn’t work. Why didn’t it work? Gold!” 

He doesn’t look away from her. “Let me work, Miss Swan.” 

“Can you save her?” 

“I can, but she has to fight and to do that, she needs to heal. What you should do is find your boyfriend.” He spits it at me so angrily. I take a step back, hands slightly raised. He didn’t even want to help me, now he looks like he wants to rip my heart out. 

“He’s not my boyfriend, and I’m not leaving her.” Why the fuck would I leave her side to go find Killian?

He glares at me and points to her arm and neck. “These were made with a sharp object, and if I had to guess, I’d say it was a hook. I’ve seen enough of his handiwork to know.” 

I shake my head. That’s not possible. He wouldn’t do that, he’s not...but he told me I’d regret it. I haven’t really seen him around much since I broke up with him, but I figured he was avoiding me. No, he was hurting Regina. Torturing her. 

“I’ll kill him.” 


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for violence. Not exceptionally graphic just a fight, lots of fists and maybe a little blood.

_**Regina** _

"Rumple, is she any better?" 

It sounds far away or like I'm underwater. My body feels heavy, and I can't open my eyes. I know that voice, it sounds like the bookworm. There's a pause, and someone sighs. What the hell is happening? I don't remember...I remember Hook and pain and then Emma. Where is she? Where am I? Why can't I move or open my eyes?

"Any sign of Killian?" Is that Snow? That's surprising and moderately annoying. I don't know what state I'm in or what my outward appearance is, but I don't want nor need her pity. 

"We haven't heard from Emma." Well, that's Charming, not as surprising. He's more tolerable than his wife. Dare I say, I don't hate him. 

"She's hunting him, and she'll find him." Henry! Oh, my sweet boy. There's so much anger in his voice, but he also sounds scared. I have to open my eyes. I have to see him. I wish he didn't have to see me like this. Weak and broken. A shell of the woman that raised him. 

"I hope she doesn't do anything rash." Definitely Snow. I can hear self-righteousness in her tone. I hate to admit it, but I agree with her. Emma needs to keep a level head. She found me, and I'm safe, well relatively safe, that is. Killian is not worth her darkening her heart. 

"I hope she kills him." No! My sweet boy, don't let the darkness in. Dammit, I have to open my eyes. Henry! I'm okay. I'm fine. I promise. 

"Henry, you can't think like that." 

"I can! This is my mom, and she's dying. Because of him. He deserves to die!" I hear footsteps, and I have to assume he's run off. No, Henry, please no. I'm sorry, my love. I'm so sorry.

_**Emma** _

It's been two hours since I first climbed aboard the Jolly Roger. It was easy enough to find and follow Killian. He thought he was smarter than me, which worked to my advantage. He's making preparations. He thinks he's going to sail away, free and clear. Well, I have plans for him. I already took care of Mr. Smee, a broken nose, and a split lip, and he quickly told me his part in the whole plan. Had it not been for Granny breaking it up, I would have done for worse, but Smee wasn't who I wanted, just a means to an end.

I hear him on the ship's deck, and I take a deep breath, readying myself. I pull my hair into a ponytail. I stand and walk over to the entrance of the cabin, my back flush against the wall. He's coming down the stairs, muttering to himself. I ready myself; knuckles wrapped, fists balled. 

His first step into the cabin is met with my elbow cracking against the side of his face. 

"Bloody hell!" Killian stumbles, and I don't give him time to recover. I grab the back of his head and bang it against the closet wall. He groans and falls to the floor. He rolls over and looks up at me. 

"Swan, aren't you a sight." He gets to his feet slowly, watching me the entire time. 

"You almost killed her." I swing and miss. He dodges and hooks his arm around my throat. 

"We were just having a little fun. I wanted to get your attention." He kisses my cheek. 

I stomp on his foot and bow him in the gut before thrusting my hips back and using his momentum to flip him over me. 

His hook catches my back a little, but I ignore the pain. It's nothing

compared to what he put Regina through. 

He tries to stand, and I kick him in the face. He grabs his nose with his good hand. "Goddammit Swan, calm down."

I stomp on his stomach, and he curls in on himself. I'm on him in seconds.

"Calm down?" I rain blows down on his face, some connecting, others missing. It doesn't stop me. 

"You tried to kill her!" More punches and I can tell, he's not fighting as hard. I know what that means. I still don't stop. 

"Em. Em! Emma." Arms wrap around my waist and pull me off of him. 

"Let me go!" Whoever it is doesn't listen, and they're strong enough that I can't break free. 

Footsteps are coming up behind me, and whoever is holding me. "Oh, my gods. Emma!" 

It's my mom. I know she uses that tone to make me feel bad, but it doesn't work. She kneels next to him. He's not moving, and his face is pretty bloody, but I can see him breathing from where I'm standing. 

She looks up at me, horror in her eyes.

"He deserved it. He tried to kill Regina!" 

She shakes her head, the look in her eyes not changing, "This is not who we are, Emma." 

I yank away, and the arms around me let go. "I'm not you. This is **exactly** who I am." 

I turn, roughly bumping Ruby's shoulder as I pass by. 


	19. Chapter 19

_**Regina** _

“Come on, dearie. It’s just us.” That’s the softest and most genuine he’s ever spoken to me. I try to open my eyes to ensure I’m not imagining it. I know he’s been a constant: him, Henry and Emma. Always here, always talking to me. Sometimes Charming is here, talking to Emma or Henry. Other times the bookworm is here, telling Rumple what he could try.

“It’s been six days. This has gone on for too long.” I didn’t realize it’d been so long. I want to tease him, tell him he sounds like my mother. 

“You’re too stubborn to let the pirate get the better of you.” If I were awake, I’d chuckle. Now he’s trying to get a rise out of me. Bruise my ego. It’s working. I want to yell at him, ‘you’re damn right.’ 

“You know Miss Swan broke four bones in her left hand, six in her right and sprained both wrists when she found him. I’m sure she would have done far worse had the wolf and her mother not shown up and stopped her. She vowed to kill him. Guess that time she spent with you rubbed off on her.” He chuckles, and I think he touches my forehead. It’s gentle. I can feel his magic, searching, trying to find what’s keeping me asleep. 

“You’re my oldest friend. Don’t you dare die, Regina. You’ve come too far.”

I want to tell him I won’t and that I didn’t realize he cared. I want to look him in the eyes and say to him that though we’ve hurt each other over the years, he’s my oldest friend, too. I don’t think I realized how much we’ve been through together. How much he’s molded and shaped me. It has never been a normal, loving friendship, but it has been one, a complicated, dirty, dangerous one. 

“Can I have a minute?” 

I’m torn. I’m happy Emma’s here, but I don’t want him to leave. I don’t know if I’ll ever see this Rumple, a soft, gentle Rumple, while I’m conscious. 

I feel a hand on my forehead, then my cheek. “I’ll be in the shop.” 

It’s silent, and I’m acutely aware of my inability to interact. I can’t move, I can’t talk. I’m trapped, in the back of Gold’s shop, with a woman I love more than I ever wanted to and who has hurt me more than she’ll ever realize. I wish I didn’t still love her, but love isn’t logical. 

“Hey….uh…..hi.” She sighs, and I know if her hair is down, she’s running her fingers through it. 

“So, if you’re doing this for attention….you got it.” She chuckles, but it’s a nervous one. The one reserved for when she has nothing to say. If I could, I would tell her to stop being ridiculous. 

She’s quiet for what feels like a long time. I want to ask her so many things. How is Henry? How is she? Are her hands healed? Did she really intend to kill him? How did she find me? 

“Regina...hey, you gotta wake up. Henry needs his mom. And...I need you too. And I get it. You’re mad at me. I know that, but if you just… if you could just open your eyes. Or…” She grabs my hand and laces our fingers together. “Squeeze my hand. I promise, I fucking swear I’ll…. I’ll be a better sheriff. I’ll turn in my paperwork on time, I’ll be on time to budget meetings. Regina, I’ll wash your car once a week. You can pick the schedule for Henry. I’ll eat kale salads and club sandwiches.” She stops and sniffs. 

_ Oh, sweetheart, don’t cry.  _

“I’ll leave. You’ll never have to see me again if that’s what you want, but you have to open your eyes. Please. Babe, you have to wake up.” 

I want to reach for her, comfort her. I want to tell her I’m fine, and though I was and maybe still am mad at her, I don’t want her to leave. I would like my car washed, though, and perhaps she should add more greens to her diet. I would also appreciate her getting her paperwork in on time and being on time for meetings. 

I fight against the fatigue and the comfort that comes from the haze. I wrestle through it, to her. My eyes refuse to cooperate, but I can feel my fingers. I flex them gently before I can apply minimal pressure, squeezing with all my might, though it probably feels like very little to her. 

“Regina? Regina! Gold! She moved her fingers. I think she tried to squeeze my hand. Gold!” 

There’s a rustle of movement, and then I can feel Rumple’s magic. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Helping her wake up. It would appear she’s ready now.” 

It feels like the fog clears, and the fatigue that plagued me evaporates. I inhale deeply before opening my eyes. 

“Regina.” Emma’s crying, and though there are so many things wrong with where our relationship is, I pull her close and let her hold me. 

“Nice of you to join us, Your Majesty.” I look at him over Emma’s shoulder, and we have an entire conversation with no words. He nods once before stepping away and leaving the back room of his shop. 

She pulls away and frames my face with her hands. I touch her bandages and kiss her palms. She pulls me to her, and I allow it. Her mouth is soft, and the kiss is gentle. Non-invasive. An assurance more than anything else. She needs to know this is real. And I give her that. 

When she pulls away, she puts her forehead against mine. A million things go through my head, but I settle on one. 

“Stay.” 


	20. Chapter 20

_**Regina** _

It's been three months, and I think things are finally starting to mellow out. In the beginning, Emma didn't want to let me out of her sight. That was difficult, being that we had so many issues to sort through. I allowed her to cling, to stay at the mansion in the guest room that two weeks, but then I knew she had to go. It would be too easy to fall into a routine. To allow her back in, and I still had so much healing to do. 

Even after she left the mansion and went back home, she was always checking in. Texting. Calling. Showing up at the office. I was beginning to feel smothered, and I told her as much. She backed off, but I know she just texted and called Henry. He didn't mind. He was worried too. No one believed me when I said I was okay. Rumple's magical coma healed me. I was fine, but everyone insisted, and I mean everyone. Henry. Emma. Charming. Snow. Even Granny. So I let Whale check me out. As I thought, I was fine, but he thought I should see the cricket because what I'd been through had been traumatic. 

My mother was traumatic. Being married to Leopold was traumatic. Watching Daniel die was traumatic. What happened with Hook was more like a complication, an inconvenience, but it didn't seem I had a choice, so I sat in Archie's office twice a week. Sometimes I talked, but most times, we just sat. He was patient, and it was annoying. He asked questions that made me think more than I wanted to, and he was really good at reading me—something else I hated. 

For the most part, things were normal again. Killian was locked up in the hospital for his own safety. Emma had meant it when she said she'd wanted to kill him. I made her swear that she'd do no such thing. I tried not to dwell on what it meant that she was willing to darken her heart for me. _Because of me._

_***_

"How are you sleeping?" 

Sleep has been off and on. Immediately after the incident, I wasn't sleeping well at all. Lucky, or unlucky depending on the night, Emma was there in the beginning. To wake me and tell me I was safe. It didn't last, but every now and again, I have nightmares. 

"Nothing since the last time I mentioned a nightmare." Which was approximately two weeks ago. I'd woken up screaming with Henry standing over me. 

"That's good, anything new?" I shake my head. "Have you spoken to Robin recently?" I sigh and look away, not wanting to talk about Robin or Roland or Marian. 

"Once or twice, but he sticks to the forest. He likes it there." Archie nods and writes something down. 

"Do you miss him?" Another question I don't want to answer because the answer is no, I don't miss him. I didn't really have time to mourn the loss of him. Not really. He was gone, and I was angrier at Emma than I was about losing him. It was the principle of the situation. The fact that her choices had consequences, and I was suffering from said consequences. 

"I want him to be happy, and he is." 

"That's nice, but that wasn't the question."

"I don't. Not really. We...we weren't  ** that  ** kind of couple." 

He looks up from his notepad and furrows his brow, "you were very upset when Emma brought back Marian." 

"I was." 

He waits, expecting me to elaborate. I groan but calm myself. "It was more about her. Emma. She always does things and doesn't realize the consequences. Saving Marian. Sleeping with me. Turning down my proposal. All of it." 

He's shocked but recovers quickly. The reasons behind the break-up were never made public, there were assumptions and speculations, but we hadn't told anyone. 

"There's a lot to unpack there. Let's discuss this. Starting with Marian. Should Emma have let her die?" 

"I….maybe, yes? I don't know. It was careless, which is the point. She was in the past, she had no idea who that woman was. No idea why she was in the dungeon. She could've been a horrible person, and she just brought her back to Storybrooke. There was no way for her to know how that decision would change things." 

He nods and jots something down. "And sleeping with you? You two were in a relationship, and sex is common in relationships." 

I stand then and walk over to the window. It's my safe space when things are getting too hard. "In the past. Emma slept with me during her time in the past while she was glamoured as Princess Leia. It led to a couple of very dark years for me." 

If he's surprised by that, he doesn't react. "Care to explain?" 

"At the time, I was still hunting for Snow White, my singular thought was revenge. Then I spent the night with Leia. She was perfect. She knew me, knew my body. I felt loved and cherished. I felt wanted. Enough so that I was willing to...I wanted her. But when I went to get her from the dungeon, she was gone. I looked for her. Killed for her. And then looked for her some more. I threatened kingdoms, I burned villages to the ground. A good amount of my own men died in the search for Leia. I later learn that all that I've been carrying for decades was a new pain, placed there by Emma. Then I realized that she'd rejected me twice." 

He's quiet, and I know he's giving me space to talk and gather myself. Whatever I need, I hate how good he is at his job. 

"She told me she couldn't marry me. Then she ran off. I asked her to stay, that we could talk about it, but she didn't. She got dressed and left. She's always running away from me. As Leia. As herself. And now...now she's around all the time. Checking in. Wanting to know how I'm doing. If I need anything. And it's too much. It makes me feel things that I don't want to feel." 

"Is it because you're afraid?" 

"I'm so afraid! I hate that I still want her. I smile when she texts me, and the sound of her voice makes me happy. The fact that she worries about me makes my stomach feel funny. She makes me stupid, and I hate it." 

"Have you talked to her?" 

I run my fingers through my hair before hugging myself, "I've made myself vulnerable with her too many times. I can't do it again."

_**Emma** _

"Emma, how are you today?" 

I sit on the couch, and Pongo immediately hops up with me. He helps make this easier. I've only been doing it for a few weeks at David's suggestion. He thought I was carrying a lot of guilt about everything that happened with Regina. He wasn't wrong. 

"I'm okay. It's a good day. I took lunch to Regina before coming over." I know she had a session yesterday, but I'm not allowed to ask about it. More like he won't tell me anything, and I know that. I knew that before I asked the first time, but I just wanted to know that she was okay. 

"Was she receptive?"

I smile. "Yeah, because I stopped overdoing it. I'm trying to give her space. She's doing better. Henry says she's sleeping through the night again." 

"And you?" 

"And me, what?" 

"How are you sleeping?" 

I bite my lip, remembering the nightmare from last night. I didn't make it in time, she wasn't breathing, and she had no heartbeat. She was dead, and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Not well, I take it." 

I shake my head. I can feel the tears burning. I don't like to think about it, and I never talk about it, but maybe I should. Maybe it will help. 

"I don't make it in time, and she dies." 

He doesn't react, he just writes notes and then looks at me expectantly, as if I'm supposed to answer. 

"What?" 

"But you did, and she didn't." 

"I know that." 

"Yes, but you need to accept it. You did make it in time, and Regina is alive. She did not die at Killian's hand. She's alive and currently eating lunch that you brought her. You just saw her." 

"But she could've died." 

"You can't control the actions of other people. It is not your fault; what Killian did." 

"It is! If I would've stayed, accepted her proposal, there wouldn't have been a Killian, and this wouldn't have happened." 

"You don't know that, Emma. Regina made many enemies during her time as the Evil Queen. And even if it wasn't an enemy, mortality is a part of life. You can't carry the weight of Regina's mortality." 

"I should've been there to protect her. I've hurt her so much." 

"With the proposal?" 

"Not just that. I've done things, selfish things that caused pain, that changed her life, and not in a good way." 

"What's the endgame for you, Emma?" 

I take a deep breath. "Regina." 

He nods and writes something down. "Then you should tell her." 


	21. Chapter 21

_**Emma** _

_Then you should tell her._

It’s been on repeat in my head for three days. I’ve been trying to figure out how best to do it, but every time I see Regina, my tongue swells, and I can’t even get a word out. Not one that would get us where I want us to be. 

It’s not even that hard, Regina still wants me. Or never stopped wanting me. I don’t know if there’s a difference. I also don’t know if that means she wants more from me. I know I hurt her. My selfishness caused so much pain for her. It was a night for me. A few hours. But it was years for her, and I don’t know if I can ever make up for it. 

“What’s got you thinking so hard?” 

Ruby sits down in front of me and crosses her legs. She drops two bags from Granny’s on my desk. “I brought yours and Regina’s lunch order, I figured you’d take it to her.” 

I hadn’t planned on it because I still don’t know what to say to her. But, I’m also not going to let her club sandwich and side salad go to waste. 

“Thanks, Rubes.” I grab the bags, trying to gather my thoughts when Ruby touches my arm, stopping me. 

“You should just tell her. Tell her you’ve learned from your mistakes. Tell her that you love her because everyone knows that you do. She should hear it from you.” 

**_Regina_ **

It’s been a shitty day, not because of anyone in particular, just in general. I didn’t sleep well. I dreamed of Leia, well, Emma. In my dream, Leia was Emma but unglamoured. Just Emma, in the Enchanted Forest, in my bed. And she didn’t leave. She stayed. I woke up sweating, aroused, and confused. 

She’s been withdrawn these last couple of days. I’m not sure what happened. It was my weekend with Henry, so I guess there was no reason to see her, but she usually checks in. This time there was nothing. No calls, texts, or unexplained visits. She’s been a near-constant for three months, so three days of radio silence was uncommon.

I feel like this disappointment is my own fault. I got comfortable, complacent. Emma's not mine, and I have no right to her time or affection. It doesn’t mean I don’t still want it, that I don’t crave it. 

“Majesty? The Sheriff is here with lunch.” I roll my eyes because no matter how many times I tell Laura that I’m not a queen here, she refuses to refer to me as anything less. 

“Send her in.” 

I barely have time to release the intercom button before she’s walking in, a shy smile on her lips, two bags in hand. I know which one is hers by the grease stains. 

“Hey.” She sets the bags on my desk and goes over to my mini-fridge and grabs two root beers. I move all the paperwork out of the way, so we have space. 

“Well, dear, thanks for lunch.” 

She smiles and sits down, grabbing her grilled cheese and onion rings out of the bag. She never has burgers around me anymore. One night, about six weeks ago, I told her about what happened with Hook and the burger, and I haven’t seen her eat one since. 

“How was your weekend?” 

“Quiet, but Henry and I did a puzzle, and we had a movie night where I finally watched the Lord of the Rings. He wanted to watch Harry Potter, but I said no.” I don’t look at her when I say it, because Harry Potter was on the family list of movie series to watch. We never got around to it, and it felt wrong, watching them without her.

“So, did you like them?” 

I shrug, taking a bite from my sandwich. “They were interesting. Long, but interesting.” 

“Well, there’s also The Hobbit.” 

I shake my head. “I need to work up to that.” 

She laughs, and I realize I’ve missed the sound more than I want to admit. 

We continue eating, our conversation flowing freely. Emma doesn’t say anything when I sneak an onion ring, she just pushes half of her second grilled cheese over to me. 

It’s a pleasant lunch date. We gather up the trash and dispose of it. I can tell there’s something she wants to say, so I wait. 

“So, I know this coming weekend in mine, and I wanted to run something by you.” 

Not what I’m expecting, but I’m interested. “Oh?” 

“What if we had a marathon? A Harry Potter marathon with themed snacks and stuff like that. I can go and get some specific Harry Potter things. We could make butterbeer. If you want.” 

I smile at her and nod. “I like that idea. Will you host it, or do you want to have it at my house?” 

She looks away then and bites her lip. “What about the cabin?” 

She tries to be nonchalant but fails spectacularly. It’s been about a year since we last were at the cabin, the three of us. I don’t know what kind of message it will send to Henry, but I also know that Emma is smarter than people give her credit for. There’s a reason she wants to go to the cabin. And whether it’s wise or not, I want to know what that reason is. 

“I think it’s a great idea. It’ll be a nice pre-summer trip. The school year is coming to an end, and we can go up Thursday night, come back Monday morning.” 

She pretends to be shocked. “You’d let Henry miss a day of school to watch movies? Who are you, and what have you done with Regina?” 

“Funny.” 

She chuckles. “Oh, and I have to swing back over here with my budget reports. Ruby brought lunch before I finished, and I didn’t want my food getting too cold.” 

I nod, still amazed that she’s standing by everything she’d promised me. She’s faithfully washed my car every week since. She’s on time for all of our meetings, and her reports are filled out on time. I don’t enforce the kale salad because it seems cruel, but sometimes she does have a club sandwich. 

We both run out of reasons to keep up the visit, so she leaves. I miss her immediately, and I can’t find it in myself to admonish the feeling. I’m going to go with the flow and hope that things will turn out differently this time. 


	22. Chapter 22

_**Regina** _

“Mom, is there something like a Dementor in the Enchanted Forest?” Henry asks, curled up in my lap. He’s barely awake, I can tell, but he fought through the third movie. He was particularly intrigued by the last 30 minutes. 

“Yes, a wraith. Quite similar actually.” 

“The thing that got sucked into Jefferson’s hat?” Emma asks from the other end of the couch. I nod, a slight shudder running through me. 

“What about a time-turner?” Henry asks, a yawn breaking up the question. 

“No, dear, we don’t have anything like that.” I laugh because life would have been so much easier if there were such a thing. Much of my life would have been changed, but this life I have is better. I have Henry, and though it’s up in the air, I have Emma. 

“Well, we know you have shapeshifters,” Emma adds. 

“I can shapeshift. So can Rumple.” 

“Really? So you could be a lion or a bear?” 

Her interest is endearing, sweet even. It baffles me that magic is such a mystery to her. I almost envy how easily it comes for her, but I’m glad she was spared the lessons I endured. 

“I’m no Aslan, but yes.” 

“Aslan?” Henry asks.

“You’ve never seen or read the Chronicles of Narnia?” Emma asks. He shakes his head, and she looks at me as if I committed a heinous crime. As if the Chronicles of Narnia were the pinnacle of literature. It is quite the tale, but does it warrant such an incredulous reaction?

“Regina!” 

“All things magic were kind of off-limits to Henry for obvious reasons.” I roll my eyes, and she chuckles, clearly amused. “And honestly, there’s lots of truth to that particular series, so we definitely stayed clear of it.”

“We have to add it to the list,” she says, and I like that this will continue, that we’ll have more family marathons. “Wait, are you saying Aslan is real?” 

I smile at her and shake my head, and she deflates. It’s cute, but I try to tell myself not to enjoy this too much, even though it’s difficult. This cabin holds so many memories, so much love. Coming here nearly makes me forget all the pain. 

Henry yawns and tries to hide it, bringing me back to the present. 

“I think we’ve found a good stopping point.” 

“No! Let’s watch another one,” he begs, but I can see how red his eyes are and how hard he fought to stay awake throughout the movie. 

“It’s after 1 a.m., Henry.” 

“But we’re having fun.” 

Emma reaches over and ruffles his hair, and in doing so, the back of her hand brushes my abdomen. I try to ignore the heat from her fingers burning through my top. 

“And we’ll have fun tomorrow.”

He pouts but doesn’t fight us, instead, he stands sleepily. He kisses my cheek and hugs me before going over to Emma and throwing himself into her lap. They have a whispered conversation, and then he wanders off to his bedroom. 

“You know he’s gonna want to get started early tomorrow,” she says to me, standing and stretching.

“At this rate, we’re going to run out of movies far before we run out of time this weekend,” I add, standing and collecting the remnants of our snacks and taking them into the kitchen. I hear Emma behind me, picking up the remainder of the trash I left in the living room. 

We put away the leftovers and throw away the trash. Emma leans against the counter as I wash our glasses and plates. “This was nice. I’m glad you agreed to it,” she whispers, and though she speaks softly, it feels loud, like she’s screaming her gratitude at me. I want to tell her there’s no place I’d rather be, but that feels like I’m bearing too much of myself, and I’d vowed not to do that. 

* * *

**“We’re going to the cabin together this weekend, and I’m worried. I don’t know what to expect. I know I shouldn’t expect anything. We’re doing it for Henry. To give him some normalcy after everything, but it feels like more...like maybe it could mean more.”**

**“Do you want it to mean more?”**

**I sigh and look everywhere but at Archie. “Yes.”**

**“Then allow it, allow yourself happiness. We’ve talked about control.”**

**I sigh and sit back down, crossing my legs, “this isn’t about control; it’s about my feelings and protecting myself.”**

**“Regina...it’s okay to be afraid, but don’t let fear rule you.”**

**I nod, “So, just...let whatever happens to happen?”**

**“As long as it something you want, yes.”**

* * *

“Of course, I agreed to it. It’s been a trying few months, and things are coming back to normal, plus I think Henry needed this break after everything.” 

Emma smiles. It’s soft with a hint of sadness as if I’d said the wrong thing. “Yeah, I know. A lot has happened. Mostly my fault.” 

I shake my head, drying my hands and reaching for her, but stopping myself. “It wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you, and you should stop blaming yourself.” 

Emma looks away, and I know she’s hiding her tears, “I will always blame myself.” 

I can’t help it. I grab her face and make her look at me. “There’s nothing you could’ve done to change what happened. You couldn’t control Killian, and you are not responsible for his behavior.” 

“I could’ve said yes. I could’ve stayed.” She bites her lip and looks into my eyes, and though I thought I was ready, I’m not. I try to pull away, but she grabs my wrist, keeping me in place. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

I close my eyes tightly, needing to hear it and overwhelmed by it at the same time. 

“Regina, I’m sorry. I…” She nuzzles my nose, and it’s habitual: I tilt my head, so our lips are touching. It’s slow and sweet, and then I feel her tongue. I tell myself, no, to have some self-control, but who am I kidding? I open my mouth, allowing her in. 

It’s nice—better than nice— to kiss her again, and there’s no guilt. I don’t feel like I should be ashamed, I feel like we’ve earned it, like we’ve been through enough, and this is our prize—this sweet, soft, emotional kiss. 

I love Emma for stopping, for not pushing for more, because it would have been so easy to give in and let our emotions lead us as they have done so many times before. But she slows the kiss and seals it with a gentle one. 

“Goodnight, Regina.” 


	23. Chapter 23

_**Emma** _

“Hey, you! How was the cabin?” Ruby asks as she readies my lunch order. 

“Great and too short.” I can’t help the smile on my face. I’m genuinely happy. Regina and Henry both enjoyed the movies, and Regina and I sort of worked on some things. It was nice to be away from everyone as a family. It made things somewhat more manageable. 

“We were finished watching the movies by midday Saturday, so we went for a hike on Sunday and had a picnic in a gorgeous clearing. It was nice. Better than that, actually.” 

Ruby smiles brightly and hands me two bags, “Regina called in you guys' order. Sorry Em, no grilled cheese today, but you do have fries, so clearly she cares for you.” 

I roll my eyes but take the bags and hand her a $20. “Gee thanks, I thought you were my friend.” 

Ruby chuckles. “She’s the Mayor.” 

I wave and head over to the town hall. When I park the car, I can see Mr. Gold leaving the building. 

“Miss Swan.” He nods at me, a slight smile on his face. “She seems well. Be sure to keep her that way, dearie.” He pats my shoulder before walking away. I don’t know how to feel about it. Was it a threat? A friendly remark? Should I be afraid? After all, he is the Dark One, though Belle would be distraught if he did anything to hurt anyone. 

I walk in and head toward Regina’s office. Laura's sitting at her desk and picks up the phone as soon as she sees me. I don’t stop at the desk, knowing I’m welcome, though Laura shoots me a not-so-subtle glare as I breeze past. 

“Hi,” Regina says as I walk in. She’s already cleared off her desk and retrieved two root beers from the fridge. 

“Hello.”

She smiles up at me as I sit, placing our lunch bags on the desk. She looks fantastic, and though I just saw her about 24 hours ago, it feels longer. 

“Did you get enough rest yesterday?” she asks while drizzling dressing on her salad. 

I take a bite from my turkey sandwich and nod. “I was so tired, I slept all day. When I woke up, the sun was going down.” 

She chuckles and rolls her eyes. “You and Henry both. I told you not to stay up all night and neither of you listened.” 

“And you’re also the one that says the Nintendo Switch has to stay at the cabin, so, of course, we stayed up all night playing it.” 

“All night and half the morning,” Regina admonishes, though I know she doesn’t care nearly as much as she claims. 

“So, Henry texted me this morning asking about staying over with Nick tonight, even though it’s a school night.” 

Regina nods while chewing her club sandwich. She washes it down with a sip from her root beer bottle. "I told him to. It doesn’t bother me much. Nick’s father will ensure they are in bed at the proper time and that all homework is done before they play the new video game Nick got this past weekend.” 

“Ok, well, if you’re ok with it, so am I.” I send Henry a text, telling him the good news. 

“I do believe he took an overnight bag to school this morning, 'just in case,' is what he said.” 

I laugh because he’s such a little shit sometimes. “That does not surprise me.” 

It’s nice sharing a meal with her, and it feels different than previous lunches, like we really got through some things, even though we didn’t do much talking about us after that first night. I didn’t want to crowd her or make her feel trapped. 

“What are you doing tonight, now that you have your house to yourself?” 

Regina tilts her head as she drinks her root beer. There’s something in her eyes that makes me feel like she’s reading my mind. “Why don’t you ask me what you actually want to ask me?” 

I roll my eyes, but don’t deny it. “Have dinner with me.” 

She smiles at me then, but there’s some mischief in her gaze. “You can’t cook, Miss Swan.” 

“I...well, I could order take-out.” 

She sighs and picks at her salad, and doesn’t look at me when she starts talking. “I could cook if you want to have dinner. I can come over and cook.” 

“I’d like that.” 

_**Regina** _

Dinner at her home? What was I thinking? I wasn't, obviously, but even so, I'm standing in her kitchen, pulling the heavy dutch oven out of the oven. Emma was upstairs, freshening up, and the domesticity of it all hits me in the chest. Me cooking, her washing off the day. It was almost enough to make me run, but I promised Archie I would let her try. This was the extent of my vulnerability: showing up and being receptive. Not as scary as declaring my feelings, but I always feel like I’m teetering on the edge. 

I take dinner to the table and pour the wine that Emma had in the wine rack: a rather impressive bottle of Pinot Grigio. 

“It smells great.” 

I didn’t hear her coming down the stairs, but here she is: hair wet from the shower in a messy bun, wearing leggings and a long shirt. She looks gorgeous, and it nearly takes my breath away. I don’t often see her like this. Even this past weekend, I didn’t see her this bare, this open. 

Emma leaves the head of the table seat for me, and I don’t know what it means. I sit, and she plates my food for me before serving herself. It’s all very familiar and unfamiliar. We never shared a meal in her house. She's acquired this place after everything happened with us. 

“This is so good. Holy shit.” 

I smile, proud that she enjoys it, but I know her palate pretty well even though I haven’t cooked specifically for her in quite some time. I watch her eat because though she adores my cooking, I don’t think that’s the sole reason why she wanted to have dinner. She takes quite a large drink from her wine and then looks at me. 

“IwasanidiotandImissyousomuchandwantyoubackbutonlyifyouwantthatdoyouwantthat?”

I try to swallow around the laughter bubbling up inside me. I don’t think Emma took a breath at all, and while I caught a few of the words, there is absolutely no way that was meant for me to understand. 

“I’m sorry, what?” 

She takes a deep breath and exhales noisily before finishing her glass of wine. She’s nervous, and I’ve known her long enough to know that what she has to say terrifies her. 

“I’m an idiot.” Not at all what I was expecting. I arch an eyebrow and take a drink from my glass. 

“This is common knowledge.” It’s a joke, and she rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at me. 

“Regina, I….you’ve been through so much, and a decent amount of it is the fault of my own family. I will never be able to right my family's wrongs, but I know that I want to try to make you happier than all the hurt. I know that I’ve hurt you in the past, and I will never be able to express how sorry I am for it. For all of it. And this is me being selfish, but I love you, Regina. I never stopped. I was terrified to have this. You, Henry, a family of my own, because no one ever wanted to keep me. My life has been full of resets and false starts, and I couldn’t understand why you, a literal Queen, would want me.” 

I am stunned. I know I need to say something, respond somehow, but I don’t know how to. I want this. Emma, Henry, our family, but something is holding me back. I knew it was coming, but yet at this moment, I am stunned silent. 

I watch Emma, and though the light dies a little in her eyes, she doesn’t push. She gives me a full minute before she turns her attention back to her plate and continues eating. I pour her another glass of wine and top off my own. 

She chatters easily as if she hadn’t dropped a well-suspected bomb in my lap. I love her for not making it awkward and moving to lighter topics that are easy for me to follow while my brain moves a mile a minute. 

She doesn’t let me help with cleaning up, so I sit with my thoughts. I knew it was coming, but I was utterly unprepared. 


	24. Chapter 24

_**Regina** _

“So, you said nothing?” 

I nod my head, completely ashamed of myself, and though he doesn’t say so, I feel like he wants to yell at me. I don’t like it. He has disappointment written all over his face. 

“Why do you think that is?” 

I run my fingers through my hair. “I just...I don’t know. I didn’t… I froze, and it’s awful because she hasn’t changed. She’s brought me lunch all week, and she still texts me ridiculous things while we’re in meetings, and I’m literally carrying around the weight of her confession.” 

I’d been avoiding Archie because I was dreading this conversation. I’ve skipped three sessions, which is why he’s sitting in my living room right now, while Henry is off with the subject of this very conversation. It’s been two weeks since dinner at Emma’s house, and I feel guilty every time I see her. 

“What do you want, Regina?” 

“I don’t know.” I groan and stand, going over to my bar cart and pouring myself a glass of cider. 

“I don’t believe that.” 

I down the glass and close my eyes, searching for the answer. “I want her. I want our family. I just...what if she changes her mind? How can I just...jump into this again?” 

He smiles at me. “Faith and trust. Emma’s taken the first step, she’s communicating.” 

I nod. “She is, and I know she was scared. I know that. I understand why she was scared, but I’m scared too.” 

“Fear is ok, Regina.” 

I scoff. “It’s not. It makes you irrational.”

“So does love.” 

He’s not wrong, and I know it. Often I’ve been told that I’m standing in the way of my own happiness. I would ignore it or become angry, but it’s 100% accurate in this case. The only thing standing between Emma and me is me. 

“We’ve done a lot of work these past few months, Regina, and I’m so proud of you. You have to accept that it’s okay for you to be happy.” He stands, and I don’t try to stop him as he leaves. I know he’s right. Happiness has never quite lasted in my life. Daniel. Leia. Henry. Emma. It was never consistent, and I worry about the cycle continuing.

Or I could break the cycle, take the leap and let it happen. 

_**Emma** _

“I’m coming!” I pull the shirt over my head as I rush down the stairs. It’s after ten, and someone is trying to beat my front door down with their fist. Henry is with my mom, and my Dad is at the station. It may be those annoying ass teens that have been causing issues lately. 

I snatch the door open without checking the peephole, and Regina is standing there. 

“Regina? Is everything okay? Is Henry all right?” 

“What? Yes, he’s fine. He’s with your mother.” 

I lean against the door frame. “Are you okay?” 

She doesn’t say anything at first, and I look her over to make sure she’s not injured. 

“Did you mean it? What you said when we had dinner?” 

I close my eyes and nod, “every word.” 

Regina steps closer to me, and it makes me stand up straight. She looks into my eyes. “You scare me. More than anything has ever scared me.” 

“I don’t want to scare you. I just want to love you.” 

She takes a deep breath and then leans closer, kissing me. Her lips are firm against mine, and she wraps her arms around my neck. I pull her close, accepting the kiss. 

“So do it. Love me, Emma.” I walk backward, our mouths still attached, and I hear a slight click, and I can only assume that Regina closed the door.

“Regina, wait.” I stop and pull away. She looks confused, and I can see the walls going up. “No, don’t do that! Don’t shut me out. I just need to know that you’re sure you want to do this.” 

She watches me closely and then unbuttons her shirt, letting it fall on the floor in the middle of my living room. She then unzips her skirt and steps out of it. 

“You terrify me, but I want to be happy, and you make me happy.” 

I feel like I’m floating, and when Regina reaches for me, I don’t hesitate to take her in my arms. Her mouth is welcoming, and her skin is warm under my hands. She doesn’t protest when I lift her and walk her up the stairs. 

“I love you too,” she says in my ear as I lower us to the bed. It hadn’t occurred to me until now that she hadn’t said it back. I’ve been waiting patiently for her to come to me. I put myself out there, told her my feelings, told her what I wanted. I put the ball in her court, and I’m so relieved that she still wants me, still loves me.

* * *

It’s better than I remember. Touching Regina. Tasting her. She’s softer than she’s ever been, and her skin is perfect under my lips. I trace every inch of her with my fingers then again with my tongue. She’s willing and wet, but also a giver. She wants to touch me as much as I want to touch her. 

Her hands set me on fire, and I can’t believe I’ve lasted this long without her. She leaves love bites and marks all over my skin, and I don’t care. She’s gentle and then rough, but just enough. She checks in, makes sure things are okay, that I’m okay. 

Regina tells me what she wants and how she wants it. Her thighs muffle the sound of her screams, and that’s my only complaint when I make her come with my mouth: that I can’t hear her fully. 

She breaks the skin of my back with her nails and the scratches only fuel my desire for her. I keep going, arm moving hard and fast, the way she asks for it. And even though she’s coming again, she tells me I better not think of stopping, so I don’t. 

When Regina feels like I’ve had control for too long, she puts me on my back and reminds me just how talented she is. As if I could ever forget. She demands I say her name again and again as she pushes me from one orgasm to another. My body isn’t used to the overwhelming pleasure, it’s a long time, and I feel the room’s edges blur. I cannot let her do this, because I will never hear the end of it if I pass out. I have to get her back. 

Regina’s loud when I slide inside her. Something we’d discovered later in our relationship were toys, and though she’s told me she could give me a real one, I was never quite ready for that. One day, maybe.

Her legs wrapping around me while I fill her might be my favorite thing. I claim what’s mine, and she allows it, but when I come from her riding me, I call her ‘Your Majesty,’ and the wicked smirk she gives me nearly makes me come again. 

“You’re mine, Miss Swan.” 

And truer words were never spoken. 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end. I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I really enjoyed writing it and thanks again to Millsprada for making such a beautiful video.

_**Regina** _

I may very well pass out if Emma makes me come anymore tonight. My body hasn’t ached in such a beautifully exhausting way in months. Not since the last time we were together. Even though my thighs burn, I don’t stop. The feel of both her heat and wetness is enough to push me over the edge. She cries out for me, and the way she says my name is perfect. 

I collapse on top of her, and she wraps me up in her arms. It’s hot, and our skin is slick from the sex, but I don’t push her away. She begins running the tips of her fingers up and down my spine. Her touch causes goosebumps and shivers to run up and down the trail she’s tracing. 

We should sleep, but there are months of lost time to make up for, and my body seems to want to do it all tonight. Or this morning, because the clock on Emma’s nightstand says it’s 2:38 am. I take a moment, enjoying the sound of her breathing, the feel of her heart beating, and the thrumming of her magic. 

I sit up a little, and Emma whines until I take her mouth slowly, slower than anything that’s happened in the past hour (Because Emma decided to prove that she could still toss me around). She shudders and moans softly against my mouth. She likes it rough, but she’s putty when I’m gentle with her. When I cherish and worship her, I’ve seen Emma’s softer side, and that’s what I want now. She mewls and sighs as I map her body with gentle kisses. She squirms and begs. Cries and swears. She’s mine to do with as I please, and I do. 

I love the quiver in her legs and how the muscles in her abdomen twitch. We kiss as I finally touch her where she needs me, but then I pull away to watch her, and she is beautiful. There’s so much awe in her eyes. I tell her I love her. 

“Ask me again.” 

She says it so softly I nearly miss it. Nearly. I watch her then, my movements never faltering. 

“Please. Regina, please. I’m ready, I… please.” 

I kiss her then, thoroughly. My tongue slips into her mouth as I slip my fingers inside her. I can feel her body tense, and the walls of her most intimate muscle begin to flutter around my fingers. 

I slow the kiss and pull away, moving my lips to her ear. I temper my thrust, and the sound she makes is pained and aroused all at once. Emma’s breathing is uneven, hitching on every movement. 

“Marry me, Emma.” 

I press her clit, and watch the waves crash over her. She shudders and wails, tears falling from her eyes. She holds me tightly as the aftershocks roll through her. 

As her body calms itself, she opens her eyes. “Yes. I will marry you.” 

I smile brightly down at her and cup her face before laying my head on her chest. I do what she didn’t, what she couldn’t do all those months ago. 

I stay.

  



End file.
